Dear S,

Why have you never told me about the “interesting specimen”, as you called her?

We were talking the same days that you were talking to her. You told her that you were watching ‘the Second Marigold Hotel’ when I told you that I was. You told her you planned to travel to California and meet your friends out there this summer. I didn’t know you had friends there… I didn’t know that you were planning to go.

Is she the reason why you couldn’t look at me during lunch yesterday?

Help me to understand, please.

x

…because I can make a fool out of myself

I seem to be on a mission to throw people out of my life. S (the ex – stop rolling your eyes) and I are doing what we do… all over again… but I get that completely unreasonable feeling that he is hiding something from me. So of course I over think this, turn it in to a problem for us, then do what I do best and cock it all up.

What upset me the most about the situation with my friend (previous post) is that she was holding things against me, and while I was repeating this story to another friend I realized, this is exactly what I do to S. I hold everything against him.

Basically. In writing all these posts I’ve found that I have serious issues and I am a massive hypocrite. 🙂

April won’t make a fool out of me.

University is the stereotypical time of your life where you meet your closest friends. I’m very happy to say I’ve made a couple of close friends in my 4 year grind, but I am saddened by the ‘friends’ I chose to have along the way. People who I let walk over me and yet continued to try and please.

No more.

I have 3 months left at University. I don’t want these ‘friends’ in my life anymore, but they don’t know this. A recent argument with a so called friend opened my eyes to all the shit that I have taken through our relationship – mainly because it was all being thrown in my face and I was literally apologizing for it. I asked said friend how many times she planned on digging things up, her response was “as many times as I want.” What the fuck was I apologizing for?

There has been so much drama in my life surrounding said friend and the rest of this friend-group. I want out. I have true friends in my life, who I have had falling outs with but who have never held anything against me nor me them.

I have tried telling these people I don’t want to be friends with them, but they still want to be friends with me. When they say to me that I am acting strange, I want to say no this is not strange, this is me finally standing up for myself.